When Kruel finally made his way back to the Winfred park, he saw that his brown haired friend was awaiting him. “How did you go?” Kola asked as Kruel swept into the bathroom.
“Good.” He replied. “Now all we gotta do is ask this guy who he lov- Goodness Gracious!” Kruel gasped as his spied upon the horror of the floor. There was no longer any guy left. It was all just flesh and meat and blood… And the bucket Kola had brought in.
“I found him like this. I was going to put him all in ah.. the bucket for ah… You? If you wanted to use him in your gardens or something…” Kola explained.
“Well now how are we going to put him all back together again?”
“He’s dead, Kruel. Cruel aye?”
“What? But, No! I’ve got to talk to him so that I can ask who he loves – who is mother is – who his siblings are – for only the lovers-”
“What are you going on about?”
Kruel grimaced, “The curse cracker is the lovers kiss crap.”
“A kiss isn’t going to fix that!”
“You never know my friend. We just need to find the right person.” Ping! Kruel had a sudden idea. “Come on, off we must go to find ourselves a hussy.”
“You can’t force someone into necrophilia, Kruel.”
“Why not? We’ll just tell her its a vampire whose been chopped up and scattered, trust me, teenage girls love that shit.”
“It wont work. Just bury him in your garden, plant a nice tree on top of him. Move on with your life.”
“No. No howevers Kruel, haven’t you caused enough trouble for one week.”
“I wouldn’t call it trouble when everyone’s so good. I’m just balancing.”
“Kruel, go home. I’ll clean this up!”
“Kola… You’re being pessimistically frustrating. We can’t just fertilise my garden with him! When I realised what I’d done to him, he shot his eyes right through me and like that, oh shnap, I was guilty. He even apologised for calling me a – a um – a…”
“A discriminating name! And then I promised him I would undo it. Well not really…”
“You like him!” Kola accused.
“Bahahahahaa!” Kruel laughed mockingly. “You know your funny because- I do not!”
“You do too!” Kola repeated.
“I do not. I do not love anybody. Love is weakness. I am a bachelor and bachelors do not fall into serious relationships! Thank you very much.”
“Just kiss the meat!” Kola ordered, tossing a piece of flesh at him. Kruel slapped it away disgusted.
“I ain’t kissing it. Don’t be disgusting.”
“He’s a vampire.”
“Yeah no, not happening, toddle’ew. I’m off to find another way.”
“There is no other way!”
“Yes there is. There is always another way!”
Kruel returned an hour later. “Even if I did kind of like him, the kiss wouldn’t work because unlike me, he doesn’t have any interest. So therefore it wouldn’t work.”
“Then what are you doing back here?”
“Just informing you that there is no other way…” Kruel admitted to himself sadly. “I’ve been on the phone to everyone. The Resistance… The Crime Island Mayors office… Even Stigma High.”
“Lets go and bury him.”
“Agreed.” Kola moved to pick up the bucket but was suddenly confused to see that Kruel hadn’t so much as moved a muscle, Literally. “What are you waiting for?”
“Well seeing as you asked… Your not supposed to just agree! This is the part where you force me into kissing the dam phalangesor whatever, and test your stupid, weak theory…”
“So you do like him, then?”
“No. I never said that. He called me a very mean word and that is simply unforgivable. Alas, I shall kiss the bloody – uncooked – as-rare-blue as a steak can be, piece of human flesh.”
“Cool.” Kola handed Kruel a sloppy piece of an arm.
Disgusted, Kruel forced his face towards the flesh, dribbling blood down his arm. He wrinkled his nose and drew closer, and then peck. He kissed it! He kissed the name callers – dribbling wet with blood – arm! Unfortunately nothing seemed to happen. “I knew that old hag was a fraud!” Kruel licked the blood off his lips and spat. “Yuck. Alright lets go and fertilise my garden.”